Those days of being “stay at home” Mom: surreal days!!

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Unkempt half stuck strands , pale blue dowdy pajama, befuddled ,  grumpy  yet good looking young lady with a very adorable baby (not more than 4 or 5 months) gripped my attention the other day, When I was much very much engaged in teaching few chapters from E.V.S to my 7 years old for her upcoming exams  after a very tiny afternoon siesta.

yelling at her domestic help and hovering over her head on her so big impeccable loggia she was running around instructing her maid who was both amused and bewildered ( I could pretty well figure out from her expressions) . A sudden tap on my shoulder snapped me out from my reverie. With his ever enchanting smile stood besides me was my   husband , who  handed over  me a hot cup of coffee with a clear look on his face .” What’s so interesting  out there”??..Pointing at the lady I stated ,” She is struggling hard to keep up with those post partum blues”..!!

Motherhood is one of the most beautiful gifts for every woman for sure. It gives you a tiny bundle of joy at one hand and in the other hands it gives sleepless nights, new responsibilities , and those innumerable mood swings episodes !!! It seems nearly impossible to feel yourself and get some “me time” and thinking of that perfect pre pregnancy body appears surreal.

This journey of mine wasn’t easy at all when I decided to take a break from my job , I had no plans when to resume( must admit, not a good planner), no clues whether I will ever get some wee bit of time to hit a salon again,  almost insomniac all the time I had this terrible emotions on my sleeve. It was an emotional roller coaster , when sudden changes in my routine took a toll on my life.Eventually, things started falling into place. I somehow managed to get some time for myself( all thanks to my little kid , she was and is  never so cranky child). The first thing I started to do I remember is I started living in the moments, I used to take mini cat naps often to keep my mood swings at bay, and yes weekends with husband was like a bonus.!..I thoroughly enjoyed her growing up part , infanthood ,babyhood and childhood( Ongoing Now). capturing each moment of hers , her first baby unsteady steps, her first ever “Mama” word , her non stop blabbering , her tough yet pleasurable weaning days …I had accepted this new change gradually and happily and without giving a second thought I preferred to be a “stay at home” Mom. All those years I had faced this question “when will you resume  your career” umpteenth times  , I simply had a content smile and the usual answer was ” As soon as my baby n I want to” !It was totally my independent decision to leave work and it would be solely my decision to resume ,  I just had one thing in mind to give my whole time and energy to the little part of me who never ceased to amaze me with all her daily new picked activities .

Three amazing years, and my little girl started her pre school days , we both suffered the separation anxiety . Symptoms eventually disappeared when she got her set of new friends.I had a feeling then..”Well,  my right time has come to resume finally”.. Not that my little one doesn’t need me anymore , not that I was sick of being called as a “stay at home” mother ,but just this feeling to restart and pick up  from where I left off invigorated me to work again.

Next morning, when I was taking a stroll in the near by park. I ran into that young grumpy but good looking mom or should I say “new Mom”. After few casual chit chats she uninhibitedly asked ” How do you look so happy..I mean you being a mother too”.??well,  I had my parts of post-partum blues honey..;)

P.S- Kudos to all working mothers who resume work as early as possible and to those who prefer to take a break and be a full time mother , Motherhood is entirely a bliss which has to be enjoyed and we should bask in accepting our bodily changes ( temporary though) , hormonal surges,  and several sleepless nights and erratic days.Sooner or later things fall into place and we get back our lives back on track .

 

Love All,

Pallavi 🙂

 

 

 

Glitter in my veins!!

via Daily Prompt: Glitter

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The moment I came across this word prompt today, I had a sparkling thought ..a thought I was born with !!

If I go back a  little, right from childhood I had this affinity for sparkles…a dazzling gown with a big satin bow , those cute butterflies shaped hair pins with shimmery wings, tiny blingy bellies  and I remember those days where I used to drape( failed attempts though) my mom’s saree putting on a big red bindi and yes to complete that look I never used to forget to put some shining lip gloss…Ahh!! those days!!

Today I have outgrown that dazzling frock, those shimmery butterfly winged hair pins, those blingy pair of my bellies but that sparkle that shine is still intact…deep with in me…adhering to me from inside, growing in me and flowing in my veins!! I am not scared of darkness , it wont last longer. I am not scared of failures, it constantly pushes me to achieve my goals, I am not scared of criticisms, the more they condemn ..the more I burgeon.!!.The only thing that spooks me at times is.. what If one day I wake up and stop shining, what if I find myself pinned down by darkness , what if I fail to recall why I have to glow , what if……!!

well these” what ifs” fizzle out , the moment I discern I am not only made of bones, muscles , ligaments n vital organs  I am certainly made of a tough glass also, I may fall down crash on the floor , break into several minute pieces , but I wont stop to sparkle, every bit of me will glitter and continue to bedazzle..!!

 

I glitter from with in, it flows in my veins !!

 

Love All,

Pallavi   🙂

 

 

 

 

world around u seems so Blurred!!

via Daily Prompt: Blur

Ever since you came into my life I wonder world around you  looks  why so blurred !!! From those days when you were in my womb I craved to feel you, to touch you, to hold you, to lift you and caress your soft supple cheeks with care!!

That first flutter inside me, Your first ever tiny kick , it made me even more desperate to bring you into this beautiful world , I had so much to talk and share!!

I kept counting days , nights seemed even more longer, All I wanted to see my tiny adorable thing who was growing inside , whom I could hear  ,  could feel its subtle movements , wished to meet the one who was very much breathing inside me !!

The Day they brought you to me all wrapped , I held you, touched you, lifted you up to touch your  so soft supple cheeks, I forgot that pain , pain of sleepless nights, pain of throwing up whatever I used to eat, pain of those mood swings I had suffered..

I brought  you a little more closer, those pair of shining tiny eyes, and that small curve on your pink lips , two tiny   drops of happiness  rolled down my cheeks, I looked up everything seemed hazy then ,I again looked at my heart who was in my arms beating outside my body “you”…. the only thing  I could clearly see was you!!

 

Ever since you came into my life my wingless angel, world around you had always seemed so Blurred!!

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words from my heart ..in response to daily  word prompt”Blur”!!

 

11898837_940910055952046_7398282193622896457_nvia Photo Challenge: Against the Odds

 

I took this pic from my moving car in the early morning , after a heavy rain fall while coming down the hills after spending few exhilarating days in this  beautiful place Mc leod ganj (suburb of Dharamshala in  Himachal pradesh)

Dark cloud settling over head, horribly stormy weather stopped us from moving ahead. For a spell, I felt I got  trapped in the thick of this never ending calamitous weather  forever..But as they say “No storm lasts forever”!!

Suddenly sun shone amidst dark clouds, my hope smiled and we kept on moving till we reached our destination.. !!

 

 

Dawn shine 

No matter how dark the  night is!!

No matter how terrible and devastating the storm is!!

a small ray of shining sun  peeps and smiles from the midst of cheerless gloom,

spreading light across the dark sky , with gleams of sunshine letting pure radiance bloom!!

– Pallavi 🙂

Love All!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

second chance

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My cell phone buzzed!!…” Dollie  calling”..

I picked up..”Hello”

voice from other side..Hey !! Di.. I have something to say..(Giggles)…I fell in love “once  again”..!!

Talking incessantly, and struggling with my perpetual thoughts simultaneously.

I was glad, was flabbergasted, was stunned …!!!!

Few years back , when she was suffering in a bad relationship , she took a very bold step to move on, to let go of those haunting memories which were amusing for her once..She chose to free herself from shackle of fake emotions and love , to breathe again!! Time heals everything!! isn’t it?? Actually No..It doesn’t heal anything it just gives one enough strength to endure and upgrades ones maturity level.

Years After, too much preoccupied with work  and giving her best to cope up with unpredictable turns in her life, unexpectedly she comes across this wonderful guy who was charming enough to grip her attention , who was warm enough to comfort her , who was gentle enough to furnish her with with all the care and love she always deserved. Hesitant, and still in dilemma …she didn’t get smitten with his charms.

The gentle man leaves no stone unturned to gain her love .They met once , then they kept on seeing each other till the day she felt yes he had actually swept her off her feet,and she blithely declares one day…”Finally she fell in love once again, and she has gotten over those remnants of broken feelings”..New found love and trust gave her all the confidence to get hitched  to this charming guy straight from her dreams!!

Flashing her beautiful finger adorned with a glittering solitaire, she sent a pic to me with a voice mail attached..”Hey ..Di..I fell in love once  again,  he proposed me today and we are getting married soon”!!

Every small girl grows up dreaming  of a  perfect wedding day.Soon the bride to be , got busy with wedding plans..bridal attire, making the guest list, honeymoon destination and what not!! Amidst this pre – wedding hustle and bustle the so much in love souls kept talking incessantly all nights, least bothered to get bridal beauty sleeps just before the much awaited event.

Next morning was  her life’s grand event, previous night we both couldn’t sleep, reminiscing old times we giggled, anticipating her future plans she  was ecstatic and insomniac..moreover sleep was at far cry  from the both sets of eyes that night, that one last   night of her spinsterhood.she cuddled with me, and I could see thousands twinkling stars in her so big bright eyes, and she murmured softly ” Am i getting married , seriously”!!

sound of conchs, cacophonous and erratic conversation of all aged ladies, children running around all the places, the whole house was gloriously decorated ..a perfect scene of a big fat  Indian wedding it was!!small and big rituals started, every single one was just too much engrossed , I could suddenly discern the pale and gloom on the face of  very much glowing bride-to-be , she looked lost in thoughts amidst all those clamorous and boisterous  environment.I could understand that feeling of a girl when she leaves her home leaving behind all her loved ones to enter into a world with innumerable new relations, but something very strange on her face perturbed me….

Di, I don’ t think  I can do this, I cant trust again to be left broken again…

I was stupefied, because this girl who was in front of me today had been the most strong and fearless girl I have ever known, a  past of  one bad relationship couldn’t  affect her so much that she would be this bewildered, Before going for all the rituals she wanted to make a call..a final call to her fiance before she becomes a responsible wife.she picked her phone hastily, and called up…

I closed the door behind and came out of the room , few minutes later she joined all of us . she was never so happy and gleeful before,completing all the rituals while heading towards venue, I asked her

“what did he say to you”?

She replied, with a smile. Her bridal face gleaming  like a pearl!!!

Actually I never called him  , I gave myself a second chance. I don’t know what future holds for me, I am unaware of how my new life treats me, I am totally clueless  how this ever charming guy who never fails to amaze me will turn out as a husband. All I know is I have gotten over my catastrophic past and now wont ever turn back.Tomorrow when i awaken, the slate will be clean, and a new day will stretch before me. constant fear of a terrible tomorrow cant stop me today from giving myself one more chance  to fall in love  all over again with myself  . I am going to give myself and my life another chance from this second!!

We got off the bridal car, taking the new bride by my side I looked up at the  beautiful huge wooden hand carved bridal welcome gate flashing names

        Mukta 

               weds

                     Sanjeev

Love all,

Pallavi   🙂

word press photography challenge: “SOLITUDE”

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Photo courtesy: “Me”..:)

place:-Mcleodganj, Himachal pradesh..

via Photo Challenge: Solitude

 

I reach everywhere with my imaginary wings, and not letting my presence feel to anyone , in solitary!! Amidst crowd, at times I mislay myself temporarily  to give happiness to others, to live for others…solitary makes me look at myself, to ponder on my unfulfilled dreams, to work on abandoned goals, to obtain somewhat lost identity, to gather the dormant courage inside…. yes…It  certainly gives me “imaginary wings”!!

 

“Solitude makes me both ubiquitous and scarce at the same time”!!

 

 

 

AUDE SAPERE

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Well ! I am pretty sure ,my homeopaths  (readers, friends and colleagues) can pretty much relate to this Title of mine “Aude sapere”!!  when this magical healing science homeopathy was under attack, founder of Homeoapthy Dr. Samuel Hahnemann quoted this poem of famous  German poet Gellert:-

THE TRUTH WE MORTAL NEED
US BLEST TO MAKE AND KEEP
THE ALL-WISE SLIGHTLY COVERED OVER
BUT DID NOT BURY DEEP.
AUDE SAPERE means DARE TO BE WISE 

to be more precise “dare to know” “dare to think for yourself”.

The other day when I was in self   SWOT analysis  mode  , which I do often to upgrade myself into a better version of human.. each moment, each day !! I realized I had few fears ,I had been avoiding or may be had accepted to live with them.Facing the fear, is the biggest weapon one can use, But before that Know your worth, and the magnitude of the fear and its strength to create havoc in your life. I had to confront to kill that slowly developing ,creeping fears inside me.I have an embarrassing confession, I had once a fear of crossing roads( I laugh at it now, though it seemed scary then!!). I used to stand, look around, and pray many times before crossing it ..                                          images

They say,”No one has traveled the road of success without ever crossing the street of failures and fears”.!

I had to know the reason of my fear which almost killed me each day, “was it fear of death”?? “was it fear of getting rammed  &  crushed under running wheels”?? was it ” lack of self confidence”…Absolutely “NO”!! …The fear of mine  was self created negative emotion which was restricting  me to move ahead..  One day I premeditatedly  , chose a path to reach my destination  which had several busy roads to cross, and kept on doing it  multiple times till this fear of mine got  dissolved and dissipated .

I just quoted one of my small fears here, we face many challenges and fears each day, few of us chose to accept the toughest challenge and fight back  and few just sit back and go with the flow!!

Go with the flow!!!!! Naahh ! I am some one who loves to go against the wind now . It was’nt easy ..it is still not, but I have this crazy urge or drive to explore those things which are ” forever forbidden “! Dare to restart a thing which was conceived by you once and aborted mercilessly, Dare to know your limitations ,and work on it and convert them into your strengths,  Dare to rip off that skin of being  weak, and be an ascendant .

Remember, that fun teen time party game “Truth or dare”…Life plays it with us so often. Take your call  accept the truth that You are born with few limitations or reply back and dare to distort, dismantle, dissolve your fears, drawbacks, limitations , weaknesses and cross each road( no matter how many hurdles it has) with ease.

“Dare to know yourself, think for yourself and live for yourself devoid of fear”!!

 

P.S- Next time You come across any small or big fear , chant this mantra ” Aude sapere”and see the magic !!!

 

 

Love All …:)

Pallavi

 

 

Daily Prompt: Scent

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A little  after dusk, standing by my life size window  with a cup of coffee, I could feel the emanating petrichor; the aroma of coffee beans and soon followed by sweet melody of rain drops on tinned terrace sheds.

I closed my eyes sipping from my hot cup ,to reminiscence, to go back to that time  and reach those places which were very “close to heaven” away from grind and clamor of cities …smog…and traffic where I fell for the scent of crispy air of gargantuan mountains; the mystic smell of snow & ice, the salty smell of ocean and red corals and washed of shells on the shore.. the scent of purity ..the sight of serenity!!!!!

I envisaged, why only in mother nature there is a “godly scent in humanity”too!

A tender touch of a new born gives a solace to soul and produces “Scent of motherhood”!!!.

Walking down the lanes,when u run into a needy famished soul and lending a hand of help certainly emits ” scent of saintly deed”!!!.

Two very much deeply in love people,when embrace each other ,with every glittering kiss & every touch of flesh creating perfect love emanate “scent of intimacy”!!.

I have fallen for such wonderful things around umpteenth times which soothes my eyes, triggers my olfactory sense, ultimately touches my soul. I shall keep falling for Such things time and again with distinctive scents smell  of fresh lime, scent of all the flowers when I cross a florist shop, scent of freshly baked muffins, of divine incence sticks , scent of my man when he professes every time his feelings for me, scent of every beautiful soul I come across!!

Breaking out of my trance and chain of thoughts , I realized its time to make an evening meal for my people, serving all my delicacies on table  I called out my family to have a quality supper time !!

Before they showed up I added “scent and essence  of love” to it ..:)

 

P.S – They say “you are never fully dressed without perfume”!!Make sure u wear a perfume which will spread “scent of peony”!!

 

Love all

Pallavi.  🙂

 

 

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Scent